Created in Her Image

I was raised in a Christian home. My father was a minister. My mother, his ardent supporter. To me, my mother personified the perfect woman. Devoted to her husband. Stay-at-home mom. She pledged her life to her family. I admired that. I still do. It was something I wanted to strive for in my life. As I got older and got to know my mother more as a woman and friend, I came to realize several things about her. One being she's very feisty,  second she's quite opinionated, and third she's extremely strong. I also noticed these qualities were things of which she was ashamed. As I looked inward, I realized how very strong, opinionated and feisty I was and I, too, struggled with feelings of shame, insecurity, and low self-esteem.

Why was this? Traditional Christianity teaches the soft, tender, silent, submissive woman as the ideal God-like woman (Proverbs 31). As I grew into adulthood, I struggled under the weight of not measuring up to those standards. I saw my mother strive to be soft and submissive. But she just simply isn't like that. Although she will disagree with that statement. Growing to know more about myself, I came to a realization that who I am is exactly how God intended me to be. I am strong, loud, opinionated, passionate, daring, and not at all submissive. The more I tried to be the ideal God-like woman, the more miserable I became.

I would try to share these insights with my mother. I am the antithesis of the God-like woman and I need to be OK with that. God would not have given me these qualities if he didn't expect me to be the best Beth possible. Repressing my inner strengths and outer determinations would be a direct insult to God's creation. My mother's reply to this was that sin takes a hold of our personalities and it's up to God to iron the kinks out. We have to ask him to help us be more tender, more submissive, and more delicate. Choosing to be silent, rather than rock the boat. This statement hurt me deeply. But it also made me realize how much she believed in this quest of hers to be the perfect Godly woman—a quest I could no longer journey with her.