There was only one problem. I couldn’t figure out when to read it.
Reading the Bible isn’t like cruising through a Jonathan Kellerman novel. You need time to meditate and reflect. Sometimes a passage is so thick with wisdom that you want to read it again. You might also feel like praying afterward. You need a time that is quiet and unrushed, but you don’t want to be too tired, either. You need energy to focus and concentrate.
Since my wife and I have quadruplets that are two and half years old, quiet moments are rare. When one pops up, I usually feel like I’m about to slip into a coma. Nevertheless, my excitement about The Message compelled me to find a time to read the Bible and pray. In a rare moment of insight and forethought, I decided to discuss the problem with God.
“Lord,” I said, “What is the best time during the day for me to read the Bible and pray?”
“Good question,” said God, sounding a little like Sean Connery in his post-Bond days. “I’ve got some ideas, but let’s see what you can come up with first.”
“How about lunch time at work?” I said.
“You’ll be eating those stupid Lean Pocket things and getting crumbs on my book,” said God. “And it’s too easy for you to get distracted at work.”
“Good point. Maybe I could do it after the kids go to bed.”
“You need to spend time with Shelley then. After that, I’ve got a two in three chance of losing you to CNN, Sportscenter, the Xbox, or an Orson Scott Card novel. When Lost and Battlestar Galactica start their new seasons, those odds become three in three.”
“You know, that omniscient thing is annoying sometimes.”
“Yet always sexy. Keep trying.”
“Um, should I get up early?”
“Not even I want to deal with your morning funk.”
“You’re making this hard. I’ve run out of options.”
“No you haven’t.”
“How about giving me a hint.”
“Okay, slacker. It’s a time when you’re totally alone, right before you take a shower.”
