Stephen Simpson, a psychologist who specializes in relationships, says the best way to deal with in-laws is to “listen to their feelings and express empathy, but don’t be afraid to set boundaries and expect them to respect your decision.” After all, for some parents, no spouse is ever the perfect spouse for their child.
Different Religions, Same Beliefs
It seems natural to assume that if you believe in the same god, you’ll share the same values. But that is not always the case. Instead, says Robin Smith, “Values are what you live, not what you believe. Values go deeper than religion.” Just because someone has the same religion as you does not make a match made in heaven. And sometimes other beliefs can trump religion. A friend of mine who is a Christian Palestinian feels that her religious beliefs are not as important as the political ones. “Based on my background and beliefs, it would be challenging to date a Muslim or a Jew, but I’m less concerned about their religion than their politics. Can we see eye to eye on that?”
Dealing with Holidays
Holidays are the time when differences in religions can seem most acute. Furthermore, celebrating someone else’s rituals may seem like you’re sacrificing your own. But rather than not showing up for the Easter ham, Stephen suggests that “simply observing a holiday and going along with traditions does not mean you are giving up your beliefs.” The couple should decide which practices will fit with the whole household, and individuals should feel comfortable practicing their faith on their own.
Raising Kids
Deciding what religion to raise their child is perhaps the hardest decision an interfaith couple has to make. Stephen suggests deciding this beforehand, realizing that there may be conflicts along the way. He also suggests that kids can decide for themselves when they get older.
As the child of parents with different religions, Molly advises parents to lead by example. This means respecting both religions, and helping their child identify with religion. “The parents themselves must practice wholeheartedly, so that their children understand the value of religion and community through example.”
