What Are You Looking For?

So, you’ve made your list of the top ten things you’re looking for in your perfect mate and you’ve even revised it a couple of times. The list might include things such as a great personality, good sense of humor, a promising career, physical attractiveness, a healthy family background, and a fun group of friends. You might prioritize intelligence, spontaneity, self-confidence, or ambition.

Although you seem to know just what you’re looking for, still no luck. Every time you think you meet someone that shows potential, you find yourself sadly disappointed. You feel as if you’ve exhausted your options and are destined to just wait and wait, or settle for a less-than-perfect match.

I wonder how many women put spiritual compatibility at the top of their list of things that they’re looking for in a partner? How many have it on their list of top ten at all? This question points to the issues of who we are and what marriage is all about.

Spiritual issues are at the core of each of us, whether we like it or not. Even if we’re passionate about opposing religious practices, each one of us still believes in something. You might be surprised, if you really stopped to think about it, how much of every aspect of your life is touched by who you are as a spiritual being.

For example, how you spend your free time on the weekends is impacted by your convictions. Do you love to be outside because you feel most at peace in nature? Are you dedicated to volunteering with your free time? Would you prefer to take a long walk as you discuss important personal or political issues? Think of your spiritual self as the core of who you really are. What are you passionate about? What motivates you? What are you living for?

Your spiritual self is like a lens through which you see the world. Your lens might cause certain things to look certain ways, while someone else’s lens can cause them to see the same thing in an entirely different way. This lens can influence how you experience other people, how you see yourself, and how you find meaning in life.

Marriage is about sharing life together—being teammates, partners, best friends. Your spouse is your life mate and if you’re focused on heading in different directions, this can put a strain on the relationship.