I Need You More

A girlfriend and I were talking today about our respective situations at home. We are the best of friends, and often feel as if we’re one woman who’s been split into two bodies. She got the ebullient, frenetic, energetic half of us, and I got the level headed, melancholy, always sarcastic side of us. We’re a perfect fit in a friendship.

Today was a hard day for both of us, as last night we’d both experienced a difficult evening in the land of marriage. We shared our experiences with one another, and then our conversation evolved into an in depth heart chat about where we’re at in our lives, in our spiritual walk with our common Savior, our relationships with our husbands, our love and frustrations with our children, and our love-hate relationships with our homes.

What we agree on is that it’s all connected. It’s all a circle of action/reaction. My lack of energy to do anything about my home’s upkeep is reflected in the way it looks. The constant state of mess it’s in is a direct reaction to how I treat my children. If my home is a mess, I’m stressed and don’t take the time I should with my children. If my attitude with my children is gruff, my relationship with my husband goes immediately downhill. If my husband and I are not getting along, then my withdrawal into depression and a general lack of energy is reflected in the upkeep of my home.

Every single thing in my life is a reflection of how my relationship with the Lord is. I can say that I have a steady, ever seeking, always praying relationship with my heavenly Father, but if I truly did, wouldn’t it be reflected in everything around me? I would have the energy and motivation to upkeep my home if I were reading the word as I am supposed to be doing. I would be obedient in my duties as a housewife. If I were obedient in that area, that would also affect my relationships with my children, not only in reaction to my home being upkept, but also evidenced in me because I’d be taking in more of the word. And if my relationship with my children is where it’s supposed to be, then definitely my relationship and attitude toward my husband would improve. And that leads me back to the improved relationship that I say I want with my God.