Who Is in Control?

The truth about control is that as a person I desire it. I want to know that I have my hands firmly on the wheel of my car of life and I will get to my point of destination with no detours, no pot holes and no speed limits. I don’t want to contend with someone driving slowly in front of me nor do I want to look behind me to have someone rushing me either. I really don’t like it when someone cuts me off. Interestingly, I have a literal driving fashion on the city roads. 

After putting my car of life in a few ditches, I am slowly coming to wonder why it is so many of us desire control. I have also come to wonder why others seemingly have no control in their lives at all. Then as I look around me in growing awareness there are yet others who seem to have their acts together. Whether there is chaos or serenity, they are peacefully moving through life without furrowed brow or clenched fist nor are they haphazardly weaving and bobbing through life. What are the differences between these three types of people?

By my view point, I can say that I desire control because I fear the outcomes. I have spent the better part of my life being called a control freak, anal retentive, organizationally happy to a fault and obsessive. I wanted to control every aspect of my life and if I didn’t know the outcome I would panic. I also fear failing. I wanted to succeed at everything I set out to do and if I thought I would fail I would step away from the endeavor. I organized my closets, my desks, my silverware and Tupperware; everything having a place and everything in its place, including people. I would get obsessive and adamant about controlling people, places and things. I was performing quite the juggling act. 

Watching others who were self-professed control freaks, anal retentive, organizational junkies and obsessive, I noticed a similar trend in fears. They did not like the unknown aspects of life. They did not want anything less than absolute success. I still see these traits and I still feel them rear up in me when I am facing uncertainties. I still sometimes try to grab the wheel of the car of my life and steer matters in the direction I want to see them go.