Change Gears and Ask for Directions

You might ask at this point how does one go about changing gears and asking for directions when the pattern of life has been to either a) be in nothing but utter self perceived control or b) be in nothing but utter lack of self perceived control?

Once I realized God had the wheel and didn’t have the energy to wrestle it back into my own hands, I sat back for the ride. I saw things occur that I had thought only I could make occur. If I could not make them occur then I thought they were not meant to happen in the first place. God make a lot of things happen that are virtually impossible for us to make happen left to our own devices.

Now don’t misunderstand. God having the wheel did not take me to the nearest five star hotel where I was receiving massages and pedicures all day while I ate bon bons and drank champagne. God took the wheel and put me where He knew I needed to be. He navigated me through some of the most difficult months ahead that I had faced in my life. He remains with me as I live this life. He’ll remain with me when I leave this life.

This is not to take away from the endurance of well over a decade’s worth of abusive subjection living with a very broken man. This is to say that for the first time I had to face me, my issues, my problems and my addiction to control among other things. I had to face my fears, wrong doings and limitations. I also had to heal, recover and regain my strength emotionally and physically. All the while, my spirituality was blossoming. I knew as I was escorted via county sheriff protection to a local shelter that God had me and my children well in hand. I knew it. I felt it. I heard it. I saw it. I could smell it. Sounds crazy to some I’m sure. To others they know precisely what I am talking about. I found God and I was drawing nearer to Him with each passing day.

As with everything in a person’s life, you begin with baby steps. You are born onto this earth with a need to be cared for. You are born onto this earth with a need to be guided. You are born onto this earth with a need to be taught.