Eleven years ago, I thought my life was over. My husband had turned into a very abusive alcoholic and drug addict who seemed to know my every move. The threats he made felt very real. He threatened to burn my parent’s house down when they were sleeping, he threatened to blow up my car and told me not to let my children ride in it, he smashed the windshield out of my car with a tire iron, etc... Jim was half Native American and threatened to take my children to the reservation. He told me I’d never see them again. I was 30 years old, severely depressed, and decided to write a letter to my parents and my children telling them I was sorry, but I couldn’t do this any more. I went to sleep in the bathtub with the door locked, and thought that just maybe I could drown myself when I fell asleep. I woke up in the cold bathtub and cried until I couldn’t cry any more.
The one thing that was missing from my life was God. I had lost faith in God. I was angry at him for “allowing me” to live this life, to let my innocent children witness such violence and craziness, for allowing him to shatter glass windows over my sleeping children in the dead of winter while he was drunk...where was God when I needed him? I began to pray that night like I’ve never done before. I couldn’t leave my children alone in the world with this man, and I needed His help and guidance. I went to sleep that night exhausted, but felt like God heard my prayers.
The next day when I came home from work my nine year old son Nicholas told me that their dad had left him alone all day with his younger brother and sister, who were four and six at the time, and that my four year old son had tried to run out into the busy street after his dad, who took off in the car without even looking back. He then told me that his dad leaves them alone every day, and that he told the kids not to tell me, because I’d be mad. I put the kids in the car and went to the grocery store to get their minds off of what happened. My son looked at me in the car, and he said “Mom, I don’t feel safe with dad any more.
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