Last evening I received another letter from her. Her letters always leave me intrigued, a little unsettled and quite pensive. She has written thousands, I think, or maybe she has just expressed so much, that they seem too many…She has this unique way of saying everything with the words left unwritten, in the midst of all those inane things that she writes to me. And for a strange reason, I manage to read it all. What’s said, and what she takes the pain to hide. That’s what its like between me and her. The entire bond between us is that of, what’s left unsaid, that which doesn’t exist, that which is not acknowledged. Yet our souls share a bond too strong for either of us to shun. It was a similar message that I received from her a couple of years back. No, let me be candid, where is the ambiguity….a little over 2 years ago, towards the end of March, a pleasant afternoon….She was coming, she said, crossing oceans, defying all reason, coming to meet me.
I was stunned, not so much by the possibility of it, but more by the surreal tomorrow it was meant to be. I had firmly relegated our union to the realms of fantasy, and she was insisting on turning it into a reality. She sounded so sure of herself…I am coming tomorrow morning…there were no doubts in her voice. A plain, matter of fact message. I wasn’t sure, whether to express excitement or misgiving. She did this to me, all these years. Left me confused, unsure and tongue tied each time. My supreme confidence in myself, which has propelled me through a life of fair success, this confidence always seems to desert me, when she walks into my life, super assured, demanding, pleading silently, and yet managing to be the magnanimous one. I never feel more Man, than I do, in the shadow of the mammoth turmoil, she seems to contain, in those deep, smoldering eyes, the words convincing me of her complete composure, while her eyes mist over with hidden frustrations. But we shall not go all the way…I said to her shakily… She refused to give me a direct response. But she sounded offended as she said, “We will have a coffee together, talk or stay silent or whatever….OK? Don’t orchestrate anything please!”
