She doesn’t complain when I’m sick and can’t play with her, or that I can’t afford to give her the extra things I know deep inside she would love to have...only issues an “I love you Mommy...you’re the BEST Mommy!” whenever possible, seemingly oblivious to my disabilities and my shortcomings.
I dug through the change at the bottom of my purse and bought her a lollipop at the store today. She’d had her eye on it the entire time we were in line to pay for our purchases. It was the kind of lollipop you’d see in days gone by that are twisted with different colors; a neat old-fashioned pop that cost $1.00. She never asked for it, never whined or even gave me the “look” that pleaded silently...which is exactly why I decided to get it for her. I really couldn’t afford it, it’s the end of the month and I only had $1.35 left to my name. I wouldn’t have any more money coming until the first of the month, almost a week away, when my scant disability check arrives... but she’d been such a good girl, and I really thought she deserved a special treat. I foolishly worried that my last few cents should’ve been better spent.
When I reached into my purse and counted out enough for the pop, you would have thought I gave her the key to the magic kingdom! “Thank you Mommy! You’re the BEST Mommy!” She shrieked with sheer joy, thankfulness gushing from her lips and unabashed love and joyous tears shining in her eyes as she hugged me with every ounce of strength her tiny body could muster.
All at once, the cloud of despair that had hung over me lifted and I shed the coat of guilt I’d been carrying for so long. In that moment, I felt the divine presence and grace I’d been praying for. He broke through the wall of protection I’d erected and sent His Message through the thing He knew I loved more than life itself; my daughter. I knew without a doubt in that very instant, that I was the family that my little girl needed. I knew that I wasn’t baggage holding her back; I was the glue that was needed to keep us together. I knew that my daughter needed me and loved me despite my shortcomings, and despite our situation. I knew without a doubt that my prayers had been answered and I had been blessed from above. With tears in my eyes, I realized that the angel that stood happily devouring her unexpected treat at my feet had also blessed me; and I was never going to be the same.
