How I Handled Losing My Baby

By: Avis Ward (View Profile)

 I was in the hospital for a week and sent home because no changes took place. I remember praying to God and letting Him know, if He desired to use a sponge the size and thickness of a one dollar bill, He could dry up Niagara Falls. If He wanted to fill the Grand Canyon with the sand in an hourglass, I believed and knew He could. I only wanted the hole no doubt smaller than a pin prick in my embryonic sac to be sealed. I asked Him to do this for me, for us, for my baby girl. I expected and believed He’d do it.

I was discharged from the hospital after a week’s stay but the next day, labor pains began. I thought if I ignored them, they would stop but the contractions came closer and closer together. My husband called the doctor and we were told to meet him at the hospital.

Our baby girl was born but she did not survive. She was too young and major organs had not developed to sustain her life. I prayed my youngest sister would not go into depression because of our loss. I prayed for everyone except myself.

My happy marriage fell apart. I became someone I did not recognize or wanted to know. My home became my hideout from the world. I did not receive visitors, calls or condolences. It was not until years later that I realize what happened to me.

All of the advice I had given others during their losses and hardships was not received by me. I turned away from everyone. The loss of my dad rebounded and was combined with losing my daughter and a failing marriage. I found strength within myself to bring an end to what had not been the best years of my life for some time. I filed for divorce and moved out of the home I had built as a single woman.

We’re told not to make major decisions during turbulent times or a crisis. I felt God did what He thought was best and I was obligated to accept it. I did not understand but I was taught not to question God. I didn’t.

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posted: 09.11.2008
Bee
Your strong belief in God has propelled you through this tragedy. My first grandaughter was a stillborn at week 38-her mom had a perfect pregnancy. The week before her due date she went to her regular scheduled appointment to find out that the baby had no heartbeat. It was such hororrific news! I researched online, as much as possible, to help prepare myself for this birth. Thank God I did because we would probably never would have held our little angel. We also took pictures of her, which now are the only memories we have of her.Three months later we are all limping along the path to recovery-friends and relatives have guided us through this along with the guidance from above. We all thought that we were the only ones who suffered from such a loss only to find out that the more you share the more you find out that a cousin, or friend, or a co-worker has had the same experience. In most cases their hearts are still broken .
posted: 11.11.2007
Avis Ward
Kristi, thank you so very much for reading, posting and sharing. I am grateful we're both whole after our losses. Yes, it is comforting. I'm happy you know to Whom the credit is due for your wholeness. This is the first time I've written anything about losing Chelsea. I didn't weep while writing it but I have since writing it. I'm not confused by my tears. I do not deny them when/if they wish to flow. I wonder if our kids know each other? *smile* A warm hug and returning much love.
posted: 11.10.2007
Kristi Stevens
Avis, Thank you so much for sharing. While the circumstances of the loss of my baby 12 years ago were different, the deep darkness of grief was the same. I've yet to write about my son in Heaven, but know that one day I will. Its comforting to see that God has worked good in your life from your loss as he most certainly has in mine. Much love, Kristi Stevens
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