Slowly, I recount last summer when I was in such a different, positive state of mind. The world was at my fingertips, my confidence was over par, and things in general seemed pleasantly comfortable. By autumn, things started to transition into tense moments that were particularly prevalent on the home front. By New Years, I was feeling discontented and lost, which was unconscionable to me, since I’m known to the close people around me as a “walking atlas.” I was literally suffocating, like I was submerged in unfamiliar water with no life preserver in sight. My desire for a tutelary figure was frustratingly ignored on deaf ear no matter how much I bellowed.
The worst part of it all was not knowing what the cause of my newfound affliction was and how I had willingly succumbed to it. By spring time, I was miserable. Soon there after, one by one, unexpected events inevitably happened and my condition was worsening.
My convenient job would be no more due to a firm downsize. My cat’s health was sadly starting to deteriorate. My brother was starting to have complications with his health as well, which was taking a stressful and concerned toll on my family and me. I was preparing for an apartment move because of not getting a peaceful night’s sleep compliments of Mr. and Mrs. Inconsiderate living above me. My stress levels that used to be at a quiet calm had suddenly morphed into white squalls in my stomach. Capping it off nicely was the constant reminder of not having that loving significant someone to embrace during the filming of this frighteningly scary horror show.
I was at an all time low of not knowing where I was going or which road to take on my personal and vocational road trips. If not for my family and friends, I don’t know if I’d be in the improved place I was slowly starting to approach. I wish I was one of those types that could seek solace in drink or recreational candy to help suppress the pain. I know, I know! It’s a sick and inappropriate statement. Trust me, if you had the old world upbringing and the fear of death instilled in you from your Mother with the slightest thought of using that garbage like I had, you would probably be wishing too.
