It’s no secret that our dreams can be a revealing look into our inner selves. I guess that’s why I was more than a little surprised and shocked when, at age twenty-three, I had a dream that I’ve never forgotten about abandoning my baby.
Don’t worry, I didn’t actually have a baby to abandon (and still don’t). But I couldn’t figure out what life forces had caused me to have such a crazy, scary dream. I thought I was too young to think about whether or not I wanted to have kids, I was sure that decision would work itself out over time (it still hasn’t). I wasn’t dating anyone so there was absolutely zero baby-making activity happening in my life. None of my friends had started families yet. So why did I dream about it? Was my brain repressing some secret knowledge that it wanted to share with me?
In my dream, I was strolling through the grocery store with my young son (probably around eighteen months old). He was riding in the baby seat of the cart, his legs kicking energetically as I shopped. I tried to appear casual as I looked around to see if anyone was watching me, then ever-so-gently, I rolled my cart away towards the baguettes, cakes, and doughnuts and kept walking.
I decided not to leave the grocery store right away thinking that I might look suspicious somehow. As I was browsing in the produce department, the first woman approached me.
“Excuse me, miss. Miss? I just found your baby boy over there in the bakery and I wanted to bring him back to you. He is just adorable!”
It didn’t seem one bit strange to her that I’d left an infant alone in a grocery store. I felt relieved that she didn’t suspect any maternal foul play and annoyed that I had to start all over on my plan. I thanked her and continued my walk through produce.
I picked up a head of iceberg lettuce and inspected it. I casually bumped my cart with my hip and watched it roll towards a bin of shiny, red apples. All the while, my baby boy stared at me wide-eyed and adoring. I told myself he was imploring me with his eyes to not leave him, but I ignored him. I gave him a small (but discreet) wave and walked towards the pharmacy.
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