Cruise Ship Confessions: Part 1

Perhaps I overstuffed myself a bit at the buffet…and perhaps it was overkill when I called room service to order a plate of assorted cookies and a grilled cheese sandwich to enjoy during Under the Tuscan Sun, which was playing for the fifteenth time that day. Even though I thought the cuisine to be average at best, it was kind of like being a seventh grader again under an immense amount of peer pressure.

Yet over a decade later, instead of fending off pressure to smoke cigarettes or drink beer, I felt pressure to stuff myself to an unreasonably full stupor to be part of the “in crowd.”  It was the first time in my life that I wished “all you can eat” was not part of the agenda. It could have been the constant and erratic movement of the ocean that made me feel hung over. I’m betting it was my poor belly that couldn’t handle the assortment of greasy pork-fried rice and other “delicacies,” eaten at various buffets and the “Blue Lagoon Café,” a restaurant perfect for hungry late-night snackers craving cheeseburgers and chow mein. One fateful night at the Café, my sister, my dad, and I feasted on an excessive late night “nibble” of mushy fries, loaded potato skins complete with sour cream and bacon, macaroni and cheese made with real cream, and deep fried chicken wings. It was gluttony in its purest form. Chicken wings, chow mein—whatever it was—I felt sick and bloated and I was pretty sure that a fast would be necessary when I got home to lose the ten pounds I could feel myself gaining with every bite.

I was constantly surrounded by hoards of people, ready to pounce on any opportunity to eat, play bingo, or waste hours away in the cruise version of a Las Vegas casino. The first night I attended a comedy show in the “Stardust Theatre,” which I found to be surprisingly funny and entertaining. The next night it was “Broadway’s Greatest Hits” performed by the illustrious dance and entertainment team. I missed it, but I am convinced it would have been more entertaining than my night spent consuming plates of chocolaty cookies and gooey cheese sandwiches while watching the twentieth showing of Under the Tuscan Sun.