“The important thing is to make it a non-issue.” That’s how Miami stockbroker Rich Goodman approached it with his girlfriend. “We took a vacation about a month into our relationship to New Hampshire to watch the leaves change in the fall. To her surprise, I had booked and paid for two rooms at a bed & breakfast and it worked out perfectly!” Rich said they went out for a great dinner the first night and she ended up staying in his room just talking until 2 a.m. and then went to her own room after a lingering good night kiss. “She said ‘let’s get rid of the other room’ the next morning!” He had effectively taken the expectation of sex out of the picture and allowed it to become a choice.
Mike Napoli, a small business owner in Phoenix, did the same thing when he went to visit a woman he met on a flight to Florida for business. “We talked on the phone regularly for about a month and were getting along great so I decided to offer to fly her to Arizona to visit but she asked if I would fly to where she lived in Dallas instead.” He agreed and booked a hotel room not far from her neighborhood.
When he arrived the first night he said, “We went out for sushi and after three or four tall sakes and a few games of darts afterward, we ended up jumping the fence at a nearby apartment complex pool and went skinny dipping like a couple of teenagers!” Although you might expect they ended up consummating their relationship over a small misdemeanor, he ended up staying at the hotel the first night.
That proved to be the smart move according to Mike. “When I came over to her house the next morning, she said ‘Why don’t you just cancel the hotel and stay here tonight instead?’” Taking the pressure off and having a little patience pays off! Why aren’t men more like that in general?
When you take a vacation with someone, you’re committing to spending an inordinate amount of uninterrupted time with that person and according to the guys, that’s what makes all the difference in changing their attitude towards sex. Stan Kessler, who works as a regional director for a medical device firm in Seattle explains, “I don’t look at it like sex is expected so there’s no reason to push the issue, especially with the amount of time you’ll be spending together. In fact it doesn’t get much better—you hope it will happen unless you end up getting in a fight or something so the pressure’s kind of off—so don’t make it the focus. Just concentrate on having a great time.”
