Larry the Louse This loony tune cannot be trusted. He watches porn while you’re in the shower and has a tendency to exaggerate his past travels just to make himself appear more virile (what a weirdo). Second of all, he will try to sneak a peek at your passport, your wallet, and your purse while you are sleeping. You can bet your Prada pumps that if this guy gets bumped to first class, he’ll gladly leave you behind in coach. And why is he trying to get strangers to cart his carry-on luggage onto the plane?
Pretty, Pretty Billy Turbulence? That’s the least of your worries. Perfectly polished at all times, Mr. Hollywood is never without a sleep mask, a lint brush, or a nail file. The good news is that he’ll let you borrow any of them (with hesitancy, of course) if you forget to fully stock your vanity case. He’s known for packing in excess and typically boards a plane with more luggage than you do. High maintenance doesn’t decrease at sea level. Book Billy on a JetBlue overnight flight with Bliss Spa’s Shut-Eye Kit (lemon+sage body butter, mint lip balm, ear plugs, and eye shades) and book yourself on a similar flight going in the opposite direction.
Frat Boy Bob Conversely, Mr. Frat Brat packs too light (i.e. one pair of underwear which he will wear for several days in a row). In the air, he hogs the window seat, sucks the salt off his peanuts, and throws them on the floor along with the wrappers, leaving you to make excuses in his defense. Leave him unattended for too long and you might find him riding the luggage carousel or being seized by security because his handheld lasers, pocket knives, or SpongeBob keychain set off the metal detectors. Once you arrive at the hotel, he’s the guy who begs to stay in bed all day (and actually wants to sleep). Let him catch his ZZZs while you look for new lodging.
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