The Well Rounded Woman … Pursues Pirates

Skeptics might blame it on her eggnog intake, but over the holidays, the Well Rounded Woman came to a startling conclusion. Santa Claus has a twin brother—a pirate master who takes goodies rather than giving them. Picture, if you will, nice Saint Nick and the archetypal naughty pirate side by side. Save for color of their hair, the parallels are remarkable, and those bushy beards are only the beginning. Consider their paunch and posture, their shared taste for crimson coats and fetishistic boots. And how about their signature phrases: “Ho Ho Ho” versus “Yo Ho Ho.” Coincidence? She thinks not! That revelation seems reason enough for our loot-loving lady to try and recoup her Christmas expenses by indulging in a little treasure hunting herself. However, being at once piratical and practical, she sees no point in spending a fortune in order to find one. So this month she has decided to restrict her travels to two destinations, both of them right here at home.

X Marks the Spot

The Well Rounded Woman figures the 85-mile stretch of oceanfront that comprises North Carolina’s Crystal Coast is a logical place to start looking. Located on the Southern Outer Banks, its shallow sounds plus easy-to-hide-in inlets and islets made this a haven for 18th century pirates. Captain Kidd, Anne Bonney, Mary Reed … the whole motley crew had ties to it. Yet none was as firmly established as Edward Teach (AKA Blackbeard) who made the Outer Banks his home base when he wasn’t busy wreaking havoc on the high seas.

Evidence of his escapades is still apparent here. Take seemingly-bucolic Beaufort founded in 1709. On first glance you’d never guess it was formerly a hot-bed of “avast me hearty” activity. The shady past appears to have been erased by shady trees, quiet streets, and charming clapboard homes. But appearances can be deceiving. After all, one of those oh-so-quaint buildings—300-year old Hammock House—once sheltered Blackbeard, and it is said that he buried treasure (along with one of his wives) in its garden.

Unfortunately digging surreptitiously there is difficult. Besides, the Well Rounded Woman prefers booty without a side order of bones. Hence, her next stop is the North Carolina Maritime Museum where artifacts recovered from Blackbeard’s flagship—Queen Anne’s Revenge—are prominently displayed. The heavily-armed vessel ran aground in Beaufort Inlet in 1718, just months before Blackbeard died in a bloody showdown with the Royal Navy, and today the wreck lies offshore in 22 feet of water.

Not being a diver, our avaricious adventuress would have to satisfy herself with either seeing the replica of it contained in a 50,000-gallon tank at the North Carolina Aquarium at Pine Knoll Shores or sussing out as-of-yet undiscovered sites on dry land. Cape Lookout National Seashore for one, looks full of potential. Its virtually deserted barrier islands, accessible only by boat, are notable for deep sand that would be perfect for burying doubloon-laden chests in! Best of all, experiencing the park’s natural treasures would be ample reward even if she came up empty-handed.

 

A Key to Adventure

Florida long vied with North Carolina for the title of “America’s Pirate Capital” and, judging by the number of themed festivals the Sunshine State holds, the welcome mat remains out. Every January, Tampa plays host by staging the Gasparilla Pirate Fest in honor of legendary bad boy (and hometown hero) José Gaspar: a Spaniard, alternately dubbed “Gasparilla” and the “Last of the Buccaneers,” who racked up some impressive credits, plundering as many as 400 ships between 1789 and 1821.

On the last Saturday in January, over 1000 authentic-looking pirates pay homage to him by sailing into Tampa Bay, then invading the city in a suitably swashbuckling parade. Yet given the numbers involved (to say nothing of their rollicking mood), our matronly matey suspects that any booty uncovered would be of the shaking variety. Thus she continues southward into the Florida Keys, where 800-plus islands rimmed by treacherous reefs created another ideal habitat for those with a taste for parrots and eye patches.

Many of them, as you might expect, congregated at the “end of the road in ” Key West.

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Like Tampa, this centuries-old seaport celebrates its past with an annual Pirates in Paradise Festival. Held in late November, the weeklong event features plank walking, tall ship trips, pretend pillaging, and mock trials. As enticing as these sound, the Well Rounded Woman is far too impatient to wait ten months until the next edition rolls around. But luckily Key West has sufficient arrgghh-rated attractions to keep her occupied any time of year.

Among the best are the Pirate Soul Museum and the Mel Fisher Maritime Heritage Society Museum. The former houses one of the world’s largest collection of pirate-related artifacts—about 500 in all, including rum bottles, blunderbusses and, of course, glorious pirate gold—all set within interactive, multi-sensory exhibits. The latter, meanwhile, is a showcase for millions of dollars worth of precious metals gleaned from sunken Spanish galleons by treasure hunter extraordinaire Mel Fisher.

Although seeing such bounty stokes the Well Rounded Woman’s greed, it also leads her to believe all of the good goods may have already been discovered. Hence, next month she resolves to forgo her frenzied attempts to find more and simply chill instead...

Photo credits:

The Crystal Coast, courtesy of Crystal Coast Tourism Authority

The Gasparilla Pirate Fest, courtesy of the gasparillapiratefest.com

Pirates in Paradise Fest, courtesy of piratesinparadise.com

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