I go to the designated spot at the appointed time, close to midnight, and my heart sinks when I see that Antonio’s not there. Another gondolier offers his cell phone so that I can dial Antonio’s number. I’m on the last digit when he appears, out of breath and in a hurry. “Good. You’re here. Let’s run and catch the vaporetto.” He grabs my heavier bag and we rush to the dock. When we’re on the waterbus he turns to me, as if seeing me for the first time, and pulls me into his arms. He starts kissing me right away, his lips hard and demanding, his hands reaching under my t-shirt. Instead of being excited, I find myself inwardly recoiling. “Wait,” I think. “It’s not supposed to happen this fast.” I pull away slightly and he smiles and groans, but we start talking and my body relaxes. “This will be great,” I tell myself as we exit the vaporetto and walk to his apartment.
Inside his apartment, I quickly see how different the energy is from the night before. Antonio pours himself a stiff drink and starts complaining about work and how frustrated he is dealing with foreigners. He does not make eye contact; instead, he turns on the TV and starts flipping channels. I try to be a supportive listener as I push a mental “pause” button on my excitement. A half hour later, he turns the volume down, turns to me, and asks if I would like a massage. Remembering the power of his touch, and feeling the aches and pains that have accumulated in my muscles over the last two weeks, I say “yes.” After a minute, I have to push him away as he forcefully tries to take off my clothes.
The evening continues to go downhill. I desperately want to recreate that initial spark, but it becomes apparent that unless I put out, Antonio wants nothing to do with me. I ask him more about his healing profession, but he cuts me off, saying, “Everyone wants to know me for my mind. I want to be with someone who wants me for my body.” I chastise myself silently for not having seen this coming, but I really believed him when he offered to be my new friend and “take it slow.” I consider leaving, but I am afraid because it’s so late at night and I have no place to stay that something worse might happen.
