On Holiday with George W. and John Howard

I got to thinking the other day: if George W. Bush (leader of the Free World) and John Howard (leader of the Free to go to the Beach World) were to go on vacation together, where would they go, and what sort of things would they do?

George and Johnnie

Bush was not a big traveler before he got the keys to Air Force One. He’d been to China with his dad, but was traveling officially and didn’t need a passport; nor did he need one for Mexico, so he didn’t have one. And Johnnie Howard seems cut from a similar cloth: for twenty-odd years he took his family on the same summer holiday, to Hawk’s Nest, a sleepy hideaway with a good beach and fishing, just a few hours drive from his home in Sydney. Neither of these blokes were big Lonely Planet fans.

But they’re both about to have some extra time on their hands, and now they’ve got so many new friends around the world they just might venture out a little more. Here’s my Top Five list for “Soon to Retire Conservative Leaders of Democratic Nations.”

1. The Puna Pau & Seven Moai Tour, Easter Island

There’s a couple of reasons why this is my number one choice. First, check out the photo. These dudes look familiar, and just a little frozen in time, wouldn’t you say? Similarities abound, and our ex-leaders will like that! Second, the locals on Easter Island are so far from everywhere they have a razor-sharp perspective on who and what’s really important, and my guess is George and Johnnie will get no better treatment there than the rest of the tour group. That’s pretty good treatment, of course, but it’ll bring them down to Earth fast. They need that, I reckon.

2. The London Eye, London

Well, naturally. And Tony could pop in as well, it would be like a school reunion. But the best part is the great views of Buckingham Palace, where Betty Windsor is having morning tea with her eleventh Prime Minister. Elected leaders come and go, but Monarchs reign forever, and live in nicer houses, too. Don’t even mention the Royal Train.