On Holiday with George W. and John Howard

3. Bedouin Desert BBQ, Egypt

This one’s a bit cruel, isn’t it? The boys will be absolutely convinced that Osama B-L is behind every camel hump, ready to pop out and give them the raspberry, or the pomegranate or whatever fruit it is that desert-dwellers rely on for “giving it.” Anyway, I reckon they’ll love this tour, they’ll enjoy the food for sure, and spending a little time with some real, live A-rabs—besides the Saudi Royal Family—won’t do them any harm at all.

4. Mekong River Cruise, Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam

Re-writing history is a dangerous business, and we certainly don’t want George W. to get any of his facts wrong as he draws parallels between US forays into Iraq and Vietnam. We’ll resist political commentary and simply say that a few days on the ground in this thriving “Asian Tiger” economy might just convince him that an American victory isn’t the only way to a lasting peace. Educational tours are such fun!

5. Portage Glacier Tour, Anchorage, Alaska

Too easy, really: see the glaciers before they all melt. Both our soon-to-be-ex leaders are recent believers in the horrors of global warming, so they’ll understand why it’s important to get this tour in soon!

While we’re at it, we might calculate the carbon emissions associated with their trip, and whack the cost of an offset onto their bill. They’ll understand that everyone needs to do their bit about global warming, I’m certain!

All these tours and more are available to mere mortals, not just former Heads of State. With any luck, you won’t even bump into either of them when you’re out there. You’ll meet some nice people though, and quickly learn that travel is good for the soul.

It’s just a damn pity George and Johnnie didn’t know that 30-odd years ago. The world might be a better place if they had …

By Rod Cuthbert

Rod Cuthbert is the Founder and Chairman of Viator, Inc. He has traveled widely for many years, but has not invaded any sovereign states, or assisted others in doing so.

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