Aussie advertising—typically high on humor and low on subtlety and political correctness—reflects their forthright approach. Here’s an example. On a display in the local chemist’s for ChiChi cosmetics, a prominent tagline reads: “For Fussy Bitches.” Also, “Only tested on family and friends.” I find this shocking, although it is mild compared to the TV commercial for AntsPants underwear I saw last night, in which the camera focused on a line of ants marching slowly up the creamy inside of a woman’s thigh, closer and closer to the position—just off-screen—where one assumes the AntsPants underwear will be revealed. They never are. How will I adjust to this kind of sensibility?
As I sit in the loo, pondering those relentless ants and my too-tight stockings, my course of action becomes clear. I am in the Land Down Under, where pantyhose refuse to stay up and insects are used to advertise ladies’ underwear. In order to fulfill my responsibility, I must learn to understand this foreign culture; I must live it. My first on-the-job decision—and, as I see it, not a bad one—is to go native. Off come the constricting pantyhose, one damp leg at a time. I force my sweating, heat-swollen feet into resistant shoes and triumphantly toss the offending nylons into the trash. My legs, pale but unfettered, symbolize a new-found identity as I emerge from the loo feeling well and truly Australian.
