I know that there is the occasional man out there who loves silver-haired women. But in general, society is unkind to women with gray. For some reason, aging, for women, is socially unacceptable.
This, of course, makes me want to let my gray show—just to be defiant. Then again, I had the same reaction to armpit hair when I was eighteen and that lasted about a month. Maybe I’m not ready though, because there’s no way around it: as a woman, you can’t go gray at the age of thirty without it being some sort of statement.
In her book, Going Gray, Looking Great!, Diana Lewis Jewell interviews women who, though they love their gray hair, admit that it can sometimes be a challenge. One woman says friends have told her she’d look much younger if she colored her hair. Another says women stop her on the street to say how “brave” she is. And a few women voice suspicions that they’ve been passed over for jobs due to their hair color, either because they’re perceived as old and out of touch, or because of a subconscious double standard concerning women of a certain age.
My mother was openly horrified when I told her I was considering letting my gray show. It’s one thing to let your own hair go gray; it’s another to admit that you are old enough to have a daughter with gray hair. But she also just wants me to look young while I can—a valid point.
I haven’t decided if and when I’ll let my gray freak flag fly. My rational brain says that it’s just hair, that society should accept that sometimes thirty-year-olds go gray and get over it. But my vain brain—which, let’s face it, is the dominant half—makes it very hard to let go of being a brunette and whispers that gray hair is nature’s way of letting you know you’re dying.
I know that Vain Brain’s primary tactic is fear, and I resent that, but I think I’m willing to let it reign a bit longer. Dyeing one’s hair is an endless commitment, but lobbing quips at strangers, friends, and family who comment on my hair seems pretty tedious, too, and I don’t know that I’m willing to risk getting the shaft in the workplace due to my hair. Anyway, who am I kidding? I have way too many taupes and creams in my wardrobe to go gray! Talk about washed out.
