I blame the Wonderbra. When we first pushed our boobs up and in, we pushed out any “que sera sera” acceptance of ourselves. It was as though we suddenly realized that whatever will be will not be good enough. The beauty bar was raised along with our boobs, so that before long—and with the assistance of a billion dollar industry that feeds off our insecurities—we were secretly strapping, shrinking, and smoothing to fake flawless.
I’m sure some guys worry that our boobs will come off with our bras come bedtime. Ha! If only they knew …
1. We Don’t Bow to Gravity
Photo courtesy of BlissWorld.com
We have lucky knickers, sexy knickers, and downright magic knickers—like this pair by Lytess. These fancy panties not only instantly push up our slacker buns and firm the tummy and thighs, but they also have caffeine to help mobilize fat and moisturizing mango butter embedded into the fabric. As it rubs against our skin throughout the day, the ingredients are released for effortless (yes effortless!) toning and softening.
2. We Don’t Go Grey … Down There
Photo courtesy of bettybeauty.com
When hair color and eyebrow tinting became an art, there was only one way to shatter the illusion of the natural blonde (unless our unnaturally blonde friend was also unnaturally hair-free … down there). Now women either dare to go bare or dare to grow hair, knowing that—thanks to Betty Beauty—they can quickly tint it to support their illusion. Some women choose to distract with color choices like Bridal Betty blue and Fun Betty pink.
3. We Don’t Pass Gas
Photo courtesy of GarmentGuard.com
We used to avoid beans for fear of flatulence. We clenched our cheeks in the elevator, straining ourselves to maintain our flawless fart-free facades. Now, rather than fear the flatulence, we filter it, with a “Subtle Butt” fart-filter. You simply adhere a 3.25 x 3.25-inch patch of soft fabric that is impregnated with activated carbon to the inside of your underwear. Subtle Butt filters the fart and absorbs and neutralizes the odor. (We just need to cough to disguise the noise!)
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