No Ring? Let’s Not Go There

Diamonds may be forever, but they’re not for everyone. I’ve never wanted an engagement ring, and especially not a diamond, but I quickly learned that to avoid stepping on toes, I should keep my mouth shut about my reasons.       

The ring “issue” is not something I’ve felt comfortable discussing with other women, even with some close friends, because it seems nearly everyone wants one or has one. But once I got engaged, with no sparkly gem on my left hand to show for it, the questions were inevitable. Usually it was a brief glance down and momentary confusion, but occasionally people would ask bluntly, “Where’s your ring?” Not wanting to open a can of worms, I’d just say I never wanted one and change the subject.

Despite my flippant treatment of the question, I didn’t come to the decision lightly. I’ve got serious reasons, and they’re seriously important to me. And frankly, I’m tired of half-lying about them. Consider the boat rocked.

Can’t Buy Me Love.

To espouse that a diamond ring is a symbol of a man’s love is, I think, a justification to get what you want. More often than not, the ring isn’t about the sentiment behind it. It’s about the size and quality of the diamond—and whether it will impress friends, family, and coworkers.

If it weren’t about the diamond, women would be clamoring for moissanite rings. Moissanite is so similar to diamond that when it first came on the market, it fooled most diamond-testing equipment. It outperforms diamond in luster, refraction, and fire, but is one-tenth the price.

We’ve been so conditioned to associate diamonds with romance, however, that nothing else will do. And whether we admit it or not, our society considers the money a man spends on his fiancée’s ring directly proportional to his love for her. An expensive piece of jewelry may be proof that a man is serious enough to blow a wad of cash or put himself in hock, but in my opinion, my husband naming me as his life-insurance beneficiary and contributing to a joint account for a down payment on a home is proof enough that he’s serious.