Ultimately, I think the best thing to do applies to all tasteless jokes, be it sexist, racist, or whatever. Just don’t laugh. If you are fun and able to laugh on the job most of the time, he can’t say you have no sense of humor just because you don’t think short skirts are funny. Enough awkward pauses will shut up all but the most complete bore.
Boomer Perspective: Marilynn Mobley
Hello Uncomfortable,
First, give your boss the benefit of the doubt. It’s possible he doesn’t even realize how boorish his comments are. Some men resort to sophomoric behavior like this because they are socially awkward and perhaps even insecure around women. To mask their discomfort, they freely make jokes that they believe will make them appear to be in control, yet liberated. You say that “nobody else seems to mind.” Have you asked why? Are others just accustomed to this behavior and write him off as harmless and lame? Or could you possibly be a tad hyper-sensitive?
Consider his age, too. Is he considerably older than you and/or your colleagues? If so, it’s possible he thinks he’s being “cool” and somehow “connecting” with his younger colleagues. If he is young, perhaps he’s just immature. In either case, he may not be sure what kind of behavior is expected of him, so he’s making it up as he goes along. The fact remains, however, that if his comments bother you, he is creating a hostile work environment, whether purposely or not.
Talk to your boss in private and tell him how his comments make you feel. Do not be confrontational or threatening in any way. Go into the conversation with a goal of creating awareness and an expectation that he will act on your request to tone it down. If/when he does alter his behavior in a positive way, acknowledge his efforts in private in order to reinforce them. If he continues to be insensitive to your requests, it’s time to involve Human Resources.
Gen@Work is a monthly column looking at career through the prism of generation. If you have a question for our Gen@Work panel, please send it in care of the editor at cwilbert@realgirlsmedia.com. Never miss a Gen@Work column again. Just click on the author’s name at the top of the story, then select “Be notified when writer publishes” at the top of the page. We’ll send you an email as soon as a new column is published.
Check out Marilynn’s blog Baby Boomer Insights.
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