Blogging Is Risky, But You Can Do It in a G-String

I wasn’t aware that blogging is high risk until I read a story in today’s paper reporting that bloggers complain of weight loss (good for a link to Jenny Craig) or gain, sleep disorders (Ambien, take note), and exhaustion from the strain of keeping up with the all-consuming appetite of the Internet. Though there is no official diagnosis of “death by blogging,” bloggers, mostly those writing about technology and news, have died prematurely.

For me blogging is relaxing, a marked contrast to the demands of writing for television, but that appears to be because I get no compensation from it, regardless of whether eighty or 800 people read my postings. Rubin Carson, an LA writer, once remarked, “When money changes hands, all fun goes out the window.” This clearly extends to blogging, giving me reason to appreciate being a pro bono blogger.

If once I aspired to attract advertisers to the blog and be introduced as “the next Arianna Hufftington, the one without the accent,” invited to appear on talk shows when she was unavailable, that’s over. I’d prefer being introduced as “the world’s oldest surviving blogger.” What have I learned after all these months of blogging? Readers choose to comment directly by e-mail rather than on the site, and a hot word in the title spikes readership. Mentioning “thong” or “g-string” is sure to attract additional hits, though not enough to have Dateline ask to monitor my postings to ferret out perverts.

Supercharged bloggers say they sleep only a few hours a night and don’t eat properly, which I did when writing on sitcom staffs in Los Angeles. Bloggers aren’t paid enough to warrant this sacrifice. Even Hollywood writers get more respect and they’re widely recognized as the bottom feeders in the creative community, thus the joke, “The starlet was so dumb, she fucked the writer.” Even so, they belong to a union that provides a health plan, retirement benefits and movie screenings, none of which is available to bloggers. Underscoring the lack of status of blogging is there are no bloggers’ bars, islands (not even Staten Island) said to be frequented by bloggers, golf clubs whose members are well known bloggers or a hotel with a round table reserved for bloggers. Blogging won’t get you into Rao’s or Elaine’s. The best we can hope for is a pajama company or maybe Lipitor hiring a blogger as a spokesperson.

The article refers to a “blogger community,” which must be a desirable demographic as the members, given their dismal life expectancy, must be young, the age bracket targeted by TV advertisers. Don’t bloggers deserve recognition? So far we’ve been overlooked by the Kennedy Center Honors people. No blogger has been the “Time person of the year.” Where are the roasts and award shows for this deserving group, taking greater chances than the astronauts? Hey there, Google, how about honoring the bloggers?