My mother taught her children to be women of integrity and to spend money wisely. Sometimes those ideals intersect, and this was the topic of a recent roundtable family discussion.
The participants:
Me: The frugal titleholder in the family. “Money and Patti are not easily parted,” my mother likes to say.
Julie: My sister. A contender for my title, especially recently amid rising costs of heating her home and other financial pressures.
Katie: Julie’s daughter, age twelve. A frugal fanatic in the making.
Mom: Our inspiration. She learned a lot from her mother-in-law, Willie Mae, who eschewed shampoo and lived contentedly without a dryer. I doubt she attempted any of the stunts listed below.
Q: When dining at a breakfast buffet, is it ethical to wrap up a few muffins and put them in your purse for a mid-morning snack?
Me: No. The all-you-can-eat concept means all you can eat in one sitting.
Julie: Just one wouldn’t hurt. They’ll probably throw away dozens of uneaten muffins anyway.
Katie: Why would you want to get all those crumbs in your purse?
Mom: When you think about it, I guess you shouldn’t.
Q: To avoid the biggest price-gouge of the modern era: is it ethical to bring your own food into the movie theater?
Me: I don’t have an ethical problem with it, but I would be too mortified if I got called out by some stringy-haired teenage employee.
Julie: Mom is the only person left on the planet who thinks this is unethical. They overcharge. We nuke the popcorn at home and sneak it in. I’m sure they can smell it, but they never say anything. Besides, everyone does it. The dollar store next door sells movie candy.
Katie: Sure, why not?
Mom: It’s against the rules.
Q: Is it ethical to take the packets of sugar and sweetener on the table in restaurant, toss them in your purse, and take them home?
Me: Lord, no! That’s stealing.
Julie: It’s a victimless crime.
Katie: [Name deleted to protect privacy] does it.
Mom: During the Depression, people would go into a restaurant and order a cup of hot water. Then they would put ketchup in it to make tomato soup. (Notice, my mom told a story rather than express her opinion. We do this in my family.)
Q: In the movie, Friends With Money, Jennifer Aniston unconvincingly plays a maid on a tight budget. She goes to the expensive makeup counters at each department store in the mall. She pretends to be interested in buying something, but she just takes the samples. Ethical?
Me: No flag on the play.
Julie: Fair game.
Katie: I’d do that.
Mom: That movie wasn’t very good.
Q: You go to a gourmet food store and make a lunch off eating all the samples. But then you don’t buy anything. Ethical?
Me: Yes. If the sample is really good, I might buy the product. Probably not, but maybe.
Julie: I do it and don’t see anything wrong with it. Sometimes I really get into the performance, asking where the product is located and getting all sorts of product details even though I have no intention of buying it.
Katie: Shopping with my mom can be embarrassing.
Mom: It’s okay to have one sample of each thing.
Q: You check into a nice hotel, so of course you take as many mini soaps and shampoos as you can. But is it okay to take the extra rolls of toilet paper?
Me: WHAT?!? Please tell me you don’t do this.
Julie: I don’t, but [name deleted to protect privacy] does.
Katie: My whole family can be embarrassing.
Mom: Theft.
Q: You take your kids to an amusement park, where kids under twelve get a deep discount. Your son is fourteen, but you pass him off as eleven and three-quarters. Ethical?
Me: Those parks are so expensive.
Julie: It’s not like they ask for ID.
Katie: Go for it.
Mom: Cheating. Plain and simple.
Q: At the movie theater, you watch your movie, then you duck into another theater to watch a few minutes of a movie you may see later.
Me: People actually do that?
Julie: I do it all the time. I’m not watching the whole movie, just getting a taste.
Katie: Sometimes more than a taste, mom.
Mom: It’s sort of like seeing the trailer.
Q: At a restaurant with a self-serve drink station, you order and pay for a small soda, but then fill up your cup with the pricier cappuccino instead.
Me: Stealing.
Julie: Stealing.
Katie: Stealing.
Mom: Stealing.
The roundtable discussion concluded with the consensus that ethical standards are more important than saving a few bucks. Generally speaking. Most of the time.
