The subprime mortgage crisis has hit. America is homeless, broke, foreclosed, and in the midst of a financial crisis. Similar to when there were rumors of the draft resurfacing, many of us are saying, “I’m moving to Canada.” However, I urge you to look beyond our friendly northern neighbor to a more majestic and—dare I say—regal era. From the rolling green pastures of France, to the sparkling coastline of Mexico, why live in a cramped, rat-infested junior one-bedroom when you can reign high in your very own castle?
South Africa v. San Francisco – $500,000
In South Africa, for half a million dollars, you can purchase a genuine castle complete with armor, high security, and a golf course. Stradford Castle, nestled in South Africa’s most gorgeous lake, is engraved with words of wisdom from ancient dukes and holds precious hand-crafted stained glass.
In San Francisco, for 500K you’ll afford a junior one bedroom with a spacious sleeping alcove. If you crane your neck out the bathroom window, you may even get a “peek-a-boo view” of the Bay Bridge.
France v. Los Angeles – $500,000
Half a million dollars in France will get you five-bedrooms, or one quarter, of a nineteenth century chateau. This chateau is encircled with a rushing river, lush landscape, gardens, sauna, and swimming pool.
In the concrete jungle suburb of Los Angeles, Downey, your half a mil will buy this lovely four bedroom two-point-five bathroom home. It is encircled with growing weeds, a dead tree, and your own garden hose.
Ukraine v. New York – $1,800,000
In Ukraine, you can buy a Medieval Castle for just $1,800,000. This majestic palace is reminiscent of a luxury hotel and boasts an impressive European patrimony.
If you prefer, you can take your 1.8 million dollars and dump it into a converted two bedroom loft in Chelsea, New York. At least this apartment will provide easy access to the subway.
Dominican Republic v. Boston – $1,150,000
In the Dominican Republic, $1,150,000 will get you a Caribbean mountaintop castle with glittering pastoral views on a fifty-acre lot. Your humble abode will include thirty-three archways, a turret leading to the observation room, a twenty-four foot galleria, two living rooms, and service wing. Don’t forget the 1,500 square foot guest house (a short walk away) and the personal well.
In Boston, the same $1,150,000 will get you three-bedroom, two-point-five bath suburban colonial. This house includes grass, a sprinkler system, and a microwave oven.
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