5. Do it every 3,000 to 5,000 miles, or every three months, whichever comes first. One day you’ll pull yourself from under a car in a skintight, blue workman’s suit, wipe the sweat off your forehead leaving a cute smudge on your face, and then pull out a cherry red lollipop and go to work on that, because nothing can quench a serious thirst like pure sugar. Until that day, we’ll just give you the basics.
Step One: Find a flat space upon which you can perform your delicate surgery. Angles will throw off your precision, potentially cause oil to get all over the place, and generally just make things difficult.
Step Two: Drive your car around a bit to heat up the oil, and make it easier to deal with.
Step Three: Park in a flat spot.
Step Four: Turn off car, and set the parking brake. Block the tires with bricks to prevent any accidents.
Step Five: Put on your work suit, line up your tools, and get ready to get drrrrrrty.
Step Six: Slide under the car (YES!) and find the oil drain plug. The drain plug may be labeled “Drain Plug,” but if you see no such sign, just look for a big nut with a washer underneath it close to the floor.
If you can’t slide under your car, you must put your car on a jack stand. This is not the same as a tire jack. Supporting a car with only a tire jack is extremely dangerous. Please, use a jack stand. Go buy one if you don’t have one. The tire jack that comes with your car won’t cut it. Anyway, read your operator’s manual and find out where the proper placement for jack stands are on your car. You can use a tire jack and lift up the car on one side, place the stand under its appropriate tab, and then repeat the process for the other side. (p.s—Don’t use a tire jack to support your car.)
Step Seven: Pull out your socket wrenches (c) and find one that fits over the nut. Place socket wrench over nut, turn socket counter clockwise (“righty tighty, lefty loosey”—and you’re trying to loosey). Crank it slightly loose. Not too loose, because you’ve got to get out from under there before oil is all over the place.
Step Eight: Line the floor with newspaper. Give yourself ample coverage. Get your drain pan or bucket (f) and place it under the recently loosened drain plug. Check your drain plug and notice the angle at which it sticks out. If it’s out to the side, instead of straight down, the oil will shoot out sideways. So, adjust pan placement accordingly. Loosen the plug, set it aside and let the oil drain. It should take about two minutes.
