“Can you pay the nanny this week?”
My husband and I ask each other this question week after week. One of us would cough up an exorbitant $650 for the nanny and the other would breathe a temporary sigh of relief.
I went back to work full-time as a newspaper reporter when our son was three and a half months old. We had arranged to share a nanny and split the cost with another couple, but they changed their mind a couple of weeks after the nanny started. So our child-care costs suddenly, and unexpectedly, doubled—and our stress level did, too.
Raising a child inevitably brings new stresses and struggles into a marriage, and perhaps one of the biggest is the financial strain it puts on the couple. Bringing a baby into the world requires stepping up to a whole new level of financial responsibility and making sacrifices together for your family’s future. It also requires putting in some extra effort to make sure your marriage stays strong.
“Having children is one of life’s most enriching experiences in all ways except financially,” said Karin Maloney Stifler, an Ohio-based certified financial planner with True Wealth Advisors, LLC. “The tradeoff is so worth it, but you have to manage it so that it doesn’t de-rail the rest of your life.”
Or your marriage.
Ellen Marmon, a relationship specialist at Connections Counseling & Development Center in Atlanta, says having a baby is not only a major financial change, but also a huge emotional change. Marmon says it is critical for couples to communicate as they experience this life-changing event and share their frustrations with each other.
Talking about finances is key.
“Set your priorities first and then put the dollar values on them,” Marmon suggests.
For example, don’t freak out if your husband wants to take golf lessons because you think there won’t be any money left over to spend on baby-sitters so you can go out on your own. Instead, look at what you both want and see if there is a way to make it happen with compromise, Marmon advises.
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