Yup, I'm turning 30 this year. I've never been one to dwell on birthdays and how old I was becoming. I mean, I remember the big ones. Turning 16 was a big slumber party and even though I failed my driver's license test, I still managed to make the night memorable by stealing my parents car after they went to sleep. Turning 21 was your typical debaucherous night of 21 shots and my first real hangover. And finally at 25 I felt like I was part of the adult world. No more excuses and no I'm not 18, I'm 25 damn it. But, I don't know about this 30 thing. I always imagined that by 30 I'd be well into a successful career with a clear path ahead of me. Instead, I still have no idea what I want to do with my life and the path ahead of me is anything but clear. I feel like calling "time out" so that I can pull it together in time before my looming birthday.
Up until a few years ago, I always knew what I was going to do. I always had a plan and I was always successful in executing that plan. Right around turning 27 I woke up not knowing what was going to happen next. At first, it was an exciting feeling. I've always been one for adventure and spontaneity but it soon transformed into a feeling of uncertainty. I wasn't crazy about not knowing. It was scary and proceeded to take up most of my mental bandwidth. Everyday, I was coming up with new ideas of what I would become. My family and friends couldn't keep up anymore. One minute, it’s a massage therapist the next—a midwife and the next an interior designer. In other words I'm all over the map.
I envy people like my husband, who the minute he could put words together, knew he wanted to be a writer. Never once has he wavered. Or my girlfriend, who always knew she would be an architect. That kind of focus amazes me. I just can't relate. At the age of 7, I was certain I was destined for Hollywood. By 16, I was known around campus as the therapist. So, naturally I figured psychology was my destiny. Then, through college, it was clear to me that all I wanted to do was travel the world. I graduated with a degree in psychology and Buddhism and became a nanny. It all makes perfect sense, right? After a few years of saving as much money as I could I took off for a year around the globe. Best thing I have ever done and though I learned so much I didn't learn what my career would be.
