What’s In a Name? The SAHM Conundrum: Mothers of Invention

That seems to be the crux of the issue with this term. After all, pre-1970, who would describe themselves as a stay-at-home mom? It was the working moms who were the anomaly and even the pariahs. The pendulum swung quickly. Thanks to Marlo Thomas and my own working mom, I never doubted that I’d work. In fact, when I conjured up an image of myself in my twenties and thirties, I always saw a blonde Mary Tyler Moore—urban, working, and single. Children were nowhere in the equation. It’s no surprise to me now that I wasn’t able feel comfortable with becoming a mother until I’d published a book and settled for myself what I wanted to be when I grew up. With a clear self-definition, one based entirely on calling (though not livelihood), it became all right to add “mother” to my resume.

I very consciously talk to my daughter about her future creative pursuits, work, and family. I tell her what a wonderful mother she’ll be some day, if she chooses, and what a great musician or photographer she could be. We discuss friends’ and family members’ jobs—engineer, midwife, teacher. Recently, when I asked her what she was looking most forward to about growing up, she said, “Being able to write.” I’d expected her to talk about freedom, though at five, this probably has yet to occur to her. So when I asked her why she wanted to write, she said, “So I can write books, just like you!”

I may still struggle with something as seemingly simple as a job title, but this was the best affirmation I’ve heard of why I choose to wear three hats. It may not be neat or easy to explain over a gin and tonic, but each one is essential.