What Color is Your Rolodex?

We tend to forget that changing the environment and slowing down the pace can give us the opportunity to get to know a person in a way we never would across a conference table. It also increases the likelihood that you’ll find things in common you’d have never imagined. That connection, in turn, will increase your confidence in that person and make you more likely to call on her expertise back at the office. “Until you break down those social barriers, you don’t have true integration,” says Laura Graves, PhD, an associate professor of management at Clark University in Worcester, MA.

So take time away from the office to have lunch, grab a pre-work coffee, join in on that group dinner or invite colleagues over for a barbecue—at least occasionally. Those events are opportunities to get to know someone you might not otherwise, experts note.

If you’re concerned that you’ll inadvertently invite a vegetarian Hindu for a hamburger or commit some other cultural gaffe, don’t be afraid to ask polite questions. ‘“You can ask, ‘Do you have any dietary restrictions?’ ” says Dr. Connolly, “or even just ask, ‘What do you like to eat?’”

Wonder what you’ll talk about once the food is ordered? Be sure to have a purpose for spending some time with the person, such as collaborating on an upcoming project, advises Kjirsten Mickesh, manager of workplace inclusion at General Mills. Thinking up a few questions ahead of time can also take away anxiety about making small talk.

But if you want to break the ice on a more personal level, take a lesson from Allstate’s Eidell. Each year in December, she asks colleagues what their families do for the holidays. “You never know where the conversation is going to go from there, but you can offer a snippet of something that is unique and special to you, and they can do the same, and then you’ve made a connection,” she says. You might even gain a holiday tip.

In the summer months, you can replace the holiday question with one about summer vacation plans. As for year-round, “family is always a good place to start, because we all have family,” says Dr. Connolly. If you’re lucky, you might discover the other person is also a parent. Then surface differences are sure to fade away as the conversation turns to summer camps, tutors and whether colleagues sneak in a little work while watching Saturday soccer games, too.