What Color is Your Rolodex?

Do you focus on differences?
If people are similar to us demographically, we tend to assume they’ll speak the same language and have values and attitudes similar to ours. “Even if they don’t, we assume they do—and that makes it easier to try to connect and build a relationship,” says Dr. Graves.

So when you meet someone you don’t immediately relate to because her culture or race isn’t familiar to you, “try to find some commonality that helps you think of this person as part of your in-group. It could be something as simple as both of you hating the crowded company parking lot,” says Dr. Connolly. In fact, experts suggest that anything you have in common, no matter how small, can be a starting point.

At Hewlett-Packard, “when a new team forms or new members join an existing group, we encourage taking some time out to talk about individual work and communication styles and cultural differences,” says Sidalia Reel, vice president of global inclusion and diversity at the company. One ice-breaking exercise she recommends is organizing the group according to some personal preference, such as what people like to do on vacation, favorite books, and movies or what they do for fun on weekends. “They can talk about why it’s great to go shopping or to travel, and start to connect over something they have in common,” she says.

If your coworkers are more informal, Dr. Graves suggests you drop by others’ offices or cubicles so that you can look around for clues to things you have in common. Are you both moms with teenage daughters? Do you both have young boys who play soccer? Are you single moms? You might see family photos (maybe you’re both middle siblings), trinkets from a recent vacation (hey, you loved Hawaii, too), sports equipment (you both play tennis!) or a mug from her alma mater (maybe your brother went there).

How open are you to other cultures?
If it’s fear of the unknown that makes you reluctant to connect, seek out information about your coworkers’ cultures. “Travel helps, but if you can’t do that, visit different neighborhoods in your city, try ethnic restaurants, rent movies or catch a relevant museum exhibit,” suggests Dr. Graves. Verizon’s Yrizarry recommends reading books or magazines aimed at different ethnic audiences and participating in community events such as concerts or festivals that will introduce you to various cultures.