The Value of Your Anger

Today was a challenging day for me. My youngest son was asked to leave his high school for poor grades. Consciously, I understand that he is a large part of the problem, regardless of his obvious learning “differences” (he has them, and it makes it tough for him) I still found myself harboring a sense of anger towards the teachers who, in essence, didn’t reach him. The thought that kept rolling around in my mind was …

“My boy didn’t succeed here, but the teachers and the administration fully failed.”

As I waited for Ty to collect all his stuff in his school, I sat on the curb outside the building and just fumed. There was a part of me that thought it would be so satisfying to march in there and say exactly what I was thinking, and the other part of me worried that if I did that I would upset others, embarrass myself, and put my son into more discomfort than he may already be feeling.

As I wrestled with all these thoughts, my judgments about being angry won out. I stayed put until he came back out to the car and then chatted it up (like nothing was really wrong) as I drove him to the skate park where he could blow off some steam. By the time I got back to my office, my feelings of anger were overwhelming. The worst part about it all was that those feelings were inside of me, making me feel remarkable negative emotion.

For women, expressing anger is difficult. It’s as if your feelings of anger are not appropriate, or you may rationalize that you will never get the results that you want by being angry. For some women, there’s the real fear of being judged that stops them from communicating anger to someone who’s upset them.

Lois Frankel, PhD, author of Women, Anger and Depression says, “From early childhood we hear messages like ‘little girls don’t get angry’or ‘you’re not cute or pretty or fun when you get angry.’” Dr. Frankel continues by saying, “Women are made to feel as if there’s something wrong with them when they get angry.”