The reality is that I expend all my energy during the day to complete these tasks in order to feel a sense of accomplishment and order in my world. I reorder and reprioritize my lists but at the end of the day, all that I am is a haggard, middle-aged (almost) woman with a new list to create for the next day. Just like Kate Reddy’s “MUST REMEMBER” lists in Allison Pearson’s “I Don’t Know How She Does It,” my list of things to do never seems to be complete. I have an addiction to my “to do” list.
The result is I have nothing left at the end of the day for my husband, my children, and especially me. I am spent before bath time and exhausted by the time the last one turns out the light. They get leftovers and I get leftovers every night. What do I have to show for it? A clean house, an organized pantry, completed work projects, bills paid, laundry put away, correspondence delivered, clean kids. Living on leftovers is subsistence living—you can get by, but where is the joy in the simple things? I’m too tired to notice.
There is so much being said and written these days about balance—balanced meals, balanced lifestyles, balanced portfolios . Achieving balance is the ultimate goal but how many people actually achieve it? I struggle daily with how much of me to allocate to the day’s activities. My days usually start somewhere in the five o-clock hour and end after nine every night. No union worker would put in the hours that I do for the pay and benefits I receive!
While I get no pay for much of the work I do, my intangibles are these: four beautiful, energetic, inquisitive, children that fight over the right to sit in my lap, a husband who, after fifteen years of marriage still finds me “hot” and “irresistible” (his words, not mine), a group of dear friends who continue to encourage and support me in my walk of faith, no matter how many times I stumble, a family that knows how to make me laugh at myself, and a fulfilling job with talented co-workers who value my contributions.
