This morning, I imagined. I imagined having an intense experience with you. I thought of enjoying good company and great conversation. Laughing and talking about any and everything. Sharing good times and comforting each other through the bad. I imagined us experiencing new things and taking on exciting adventures. All this cloaked in secrecy and saturated in honesty.
I imagined a place that existed in our hearts and mind, where we could be our complete selves all the time. This world that we would create would supersede all rationale. I imagined that this world would be imperfect ... and there would be times when we couldn’t stand to be apart and other times when we couldn’t stand to be together. You were the man who I could love and hate all in the same moment. You could push all the wrong buttons because you knew how to push all the right ones, too.
This morning I was disappointed. I was disappointed in the fact that I had not been experiencing you at all. All the times that you failed to show up as the man you have the potential to be. I remembered all the times I talked and you refused to respond. I was saddened by all the times that you were unavailable. Then I realized that everything that I felt for you was based on what I imagined “we” could be.
This morning I decided. I decided that I am strong beyond measure. I have accepted that there are parts of me that you will never be able to see. I am the greatness that I have read about … I have the courage that I have dreamed about and I am worthy.
This morning I discovered. I discovered what true love feels like. I was in awe of the way love wrapped its arms around me. I was fascinated by the warmth that love injected inside of me. I was delighted with the smile that love put on my face.
This morning I fell in love ... I fell out of love with you ... and in love with “me.”
