Electric Boobs in the Wind

For many years, I sincerely believed Elton John’s song, “Bennie and the Jets,” had a line that went, “She’s got electric boobs, and more air soothes, you know I read it in a magazine…”

Even if someone not stoned had patiently explained that the words were “electric boots” and “a mohair suit,” I would have just given them a blank stare, let the hair flop over my eyes, and put my headphones back on. Thank goodness I never caught the part about killing a fatted calf.

I’m not alone in my misunderstanding. There’ve been numerous articles written on the topic of the unintentional misinterpretation of lyrics. Some Web sites, such as The Archive of Misheard Lyrics and Am I Right, collect examples. Sir Elton’s diction on his brilliant 1973 multi-disc Goodbye Yellow Brick Road alone has given the world a cornucopia of passionately mangled phrases.

In any case, I rather prefer boobs over boots. And as a teenage virgin in sunny Southern California, I didn’t know mohair from Martians. I was convinced the song was about me and my buddy, Benny Bergman, hanging out with cool, naked chicks at the beach, on a windy day. 

Sadly, it would be many years later, and on a different continent, before I was privy to that sort of experience. By then I’d lost track of Benny. (Hey man…I hope you got your driver’s license, the acne cleared up, and you eventually got some, too.)

Somehow, when other people misinterpret song lyrics, they’re laughably pathetic—but when I do it I’m just investing my personal sensibilities in something that was clearly open to interpretation. I’m an artistic collaborator engaged in an important post-avant-retro, de-constructed, parse-y, pomo, gestalt-meme-Harold-Bloom-thingy—and all those other people are jerks.

So let’s set the record straight. Where can you get reliable lyrics to popular songs? How can you compare your sincere beliefs against the originals, settle bets, win at trivial pursuit, and maybe even learn a bit about the literary quality of lyrics that usually whiz by at 90+ bpm?

Er, the Web? Bingo! But there are several ways to go about it.

Forget the CD jewel-case paper inserts. Even when they try to print lyrics it’s like reading microfiche without a magnifier. Most music publishers don’t even bother to print lyrics these days.

Obviously there are the big compilation sites that try to be encyclopedias of lyrics. Many are OK, all are incomplete, they’re all wrestling with copyright and artists’ rights issues, and if they’re free you’ll get pop-up ads and middling site quality.