I’ve been married to a redneck woman forever and let me tell ya, they ain’t easy to live with. They have it easy, if they’re married to a redneck man, like me, ‘cause we’re God’s gift to mankind. The cost to keep a redneck man is pretty cheap, compared to other men, after all, all we need is a tin of tobacco, six pack of beer, RC cola, and a Moon Pie every now and again. We bring wild game in and most of the time it’s in season, well, at least for us.
Redneck woman cost a man for years. They’ll want a lava lamp, a neon beer sign, boxes of “duck tape”, four or five Elvis posters, and pink flamingo’s in the front yard. And, trust me on this, they’ll even make ya’ll move the empty 55 gallon drums so the pink birds will look nice. Most make a man save fer years so they can visit Memphis and see Graceland. They’ll also send a feller out in the middle of the night to run to Eleven-Seven to get some pork rinds and maybe never even say thank ya. While I love ‘em, some redneck women are hard on a man sometimes.
I recently visited Bubba and Maude, and the conversation was interestin’, to say the least.
“We don’t need a new winder in the bedroom! What’s wrong wid the one we got?” Bubba screamed as he put his beer on the empty 55 gallon drum he’d cut in half to make an end-table.
“It ain’t no winder, it’s a duck taped trash bag, that’s what’s wrong wid it!” Maude yelled right back.
“So,” Bubba replied and immediately took on a confused look, “it’s been on there since 1977.”
“That’s my point!”
Bubba shook his head and asked, “What’s yer point?”
Maude’s face turned a deep red as she said, “The point is, it’s not a winder but ducked taped plastic!”
“Oh, since when did Miss Duck Tape of 2007 dee-cide duck tape ain’t no good no mo’ and we needed a real winder?”
