“Honey, I had a hard day at the Ger’rage. Thangs was a mess. And the new guy, Leroy Johnson, well, he just ain’t workin’ out very well. I needs me a cold ice tea.”
“That’s it huh? Just tell me how yer day went, huh? What ‘bout my day? Aren’t ya innerested in how my day went?”
Bubba had been married long enough to know he was in trouble. He thought back and tried to cover all aspects; the checkin’ account was normal, zero, the truck payment had been on time, and obviously the ‘lectricity was still on so they hadn’t cut it off yet. What could he have done? He reached in the fridge and took out the tea pitcher. As he poured a glass full of tea, he turned toward Maude, smiled at her and asked, “So, Maude, how did my favorite wife’s day go?”
“Well, I had me a visitor. Nadine Lucille dropped by for the afternoon. We had us a good dee-skusion ‘bout how you and the boys been a-oodlin’ her while she works. Now, what do you have to say fer yerself?”
“Guilty as charged my dear. She runs ‘round there with her stuff half a-hangin’ out. What do you ‘spect a man to do? Course I look at her. But, I gotta eat and Uncle Andy needs the business. I wouldn’t be normal iffen I didn’ look at her. I aint one of them funny fellows, so I look at women. Thar hain’t a thang wrong with it either. You should be worried iffen I didn’t look, woman,” Bubba said and lifted his tea and took a long slow swig before he turned toward Maude.
Maude was thinking. She loved Bubba and she knew all it took to make him happy was a good meal, a cold drink and a cheek full of chewing tobacco. He was for sure low maintenance. She trusted him and she believed him, but he was a redneck man after all. That meant, to her anyway, he needed a short chain most of the time.
Bubba pulled Maude to him and kissed her on the left cheek. Reaching around he stroked her back as he said, “Maude, ya listen here heah. I ain’t got the hots fer no other woman. When it comes to fee-males, this dawg don’t hunt. I got all I can handle in just being married to ya. I love ya Maude and yer silly backwoods hills heart knows hit.”
