Let’s evaluate a word y’all mighten hear in the south, honey bucket. I can assure ya, it has absolutely nothing to do with honey. Actually, it is quite the opposite. In the old days, or last night, dependin’ on yer view and location, honey buckets were used when it was too cold or wet for a quick run to the outhouse. Also, those folks that were sick, pregnant women, or others physically wore down used them. Well, I’ve talked around the thang long ‘nough, so what is it?
If ya think of it as a crude and smelly portable toilet, yer almost correct. The thang is, most honey buckets these days are large cans or bucket that a person uses fer bodily functions. Now, in the real olden days, let’s say a hunnert years ago, they had ‘em real fancy honeybuckts. Often they had pic-shures of an enemy in ‘em. Let’s say y’all are British (heaven forbid) ya might have had one in the olden days of that Nee-poll-lee-in feller in it. So, each time you peed, old Nee-poll-lee-in got him self a face full.
Sounds good, so far, huh? I know, yer ‘maginin’ yer mother-in-law or ex-wife’s pic-shure on that thang, right?
Well, nonetheless, I can assure y’all they do stink…and that is if it is only used fer nummer one. Iffen you use it fer nummer two, Nadine hide the cows. Lordy, a honey bucket can get down right ripe and that is if it is only used over night. But, per usual, I am getting offa track heah.
To use a honey bucket, ya gotta have a real sense of good balance, ‘er else you spill the honey, so no drankin’ a-fore ya go. Fer most fellers, doin’ a nummer one, it hain’t that hard, and does it matter if we’re off target a might? But fer the ladies, well, it is balancin’ time, Lucille. See, ya have to sit on the thang, or get as close as ya can. Thank of the thang as a kind of crude redneck bombsite, complete with target, near as I can compare. Onliest, the key is body positionin’ and proper use of the legs. Ya must be clearly over the honey bucket prior to release, or it does tend to upset some folks.
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