I looked around the table and felt a deep sense of warmth strike me. While not actually a very feely touchy kind of guy, I was very satisfied bein’ where I was. Additionally, the people I sat with were all family or close friends. Bubba was there with his wife, Maude, my mom, Willy Eugene and Nadine Lucille, as well as Uncle Andy and his newest girlfriend, who was for some unknown reason called “Grasshopper.”
I always wondered why she was not called rabbit, because she changed boyfriends more often than most mothers change diapers. Perhaps she was called Grasshopper because she was always jumpin’ from one boyfriend to ‘nother.
“What do y’all thank of that mov-ee star Swarts-en-nagger feller and all that political mudslangin’ they are a-doin’ to him?” My mom asked and I knew immediately she had been readin’ her latest National Quirer magazine.
“I thank it don’t pay no never mind. None a-tall.” Bubba commented as he lifted his glass to his open mouth. Taking a large gulp, he continued, “See, he’s so famous they cain’t hut him none. Not a bit.”
“I cain’t unnerstand how they can pick on him, when that Clinton feller was involved in all that eral sex stuff a few years back,” Grasshopper added her two cents worth to the community conversation.
“He was the pres-indent then. Ya cain’t do nothin’ oncet they get in orifice. They did try to ‘peach ‘em though. Didn’t they, Bubba?” Maude spoke with a slow drunken slur to her speech.
“Y’all jess don’t unnerstand poly-tics a-tall. See, in the furst place, that mov-ee star is famous and a threat to the other fellers who are a-runnin’ fer office. Second, that Swartz-en-nagger feller is from Australia, or some such place, and everybody knows it touches Germany.” Uncle Andy gave us a big all knowing smile as he spoke.
“Uncle Andy, ya mean Austria, not Australia. Austria is next to Germany,” I had to correct the man.
Well, Andy almost dropped his glass of whiskey in pure shock. He sputtered a couple of times, but finally he found the words to say, “Son, I done fit them Germans in double you, double you, two. I know where that Australia is! Edna, didn’t ya raise this boy not to co’rect his elders?”
