“Well, whateveh, Nancy.” As soon Cricket spoke, I was a-feared a bug was ‘bout to be squashed.
Nancy Lucille stood, put her hands on her wide hips, turned to Willy Eugene and said in an angry voice, “Willy Eugene Edward Claremore, let’s go. I ain’t gonna sit heah and take no verbal a-buse from no loud-mouthed bug woman!”
Willy, who had just got his second beer, obviously didn’t want to leave yet. Instead, he pulled out his can of snuff and offered it to Nancy Lucille to appease her anger. While that usually worked, it did no good this night.
“Did ya heah me! I said we are a-leavin’ and now!” I enjoyed the way she waved her index finger under Willy Eugene’s large nose.
“Honey bucket, let’s don’t go right now. I got me a fresh beer heah,” Willy pleaded. I wouldn’t have been surprised to see him on his knees begging her to stay, he wanted to finish his beer.
“Well, sweetheart, ya can stay. I’m, how-some-eveh, leavin’.” I noticed she spoke each word slowly and with deliberation. Then again, it may have been with inebriation. She was known to crack the cooking wine now and then.
“Gosh dang it all woman! Cain’t a man finish his drink a-fore ya get yer tail all tired up in a big knot?” Willy was angry.
I decided to attempt to defuse the situation, “Nancy Lucille, please, sit back down and let’s have a nice evenin’. Grasshopper, I know yer from the big city of Mount Plum, but I thank ya owe Nancy Lucille an ‘pology.”
The beer was cold and wet as it struck my face. I could feel it running down my face and onto my shirt. I looked around the table in an effort to determine what in the world had happened. I noticed Nancy Lucille’s recent look of accomplishment had completely vanished. Grasshopper, however, was standing in front of me holding an empty beer glass in her right hand.
My momma stood up, leaned over the table, and said in a low voice to Grasshopper, “My dear, I suggest y’all leave. Y’all ain’t welcome heah mo’.” Turning to face Uncle Andy, she continued, “Ya need to get your bug woman outta heah. And, she ain’t welcome no mo’.”
