“Bubba, seriously man, it’s too early to drink like that. What is goin’ on?” I had to ask.
“Well, to tell ya the truth, we is in oveh our heads with this heah bicycle. Ain’t no way we can put this thang together. It’s sad too, ‘cause I a BS dee-gree and you got one of them Masters dee-grees. And, I bet ya, neither one of us can figure these heah bike out.”
“Yep, ya got a BS. degree alright Bubba.” I thought as I walked over the pulled the directions out of the box.
I went back to my chair, took a slight sip of my beer and turned to readin’ the di-rections fer a-puttin’ that bike together. Take wheel #A and place it in slot #F, of rear frame #7, and screw on nut #46, over washer #C, and tighten with tool B, supplied with the parts bag. I could follow it so far, but then there was a problem … the language up to that point had been English. I was confused now. I felt like the dawg that peed on an electric fence, I just didn’t want to be here anymore.
“Bubba, my eyes must be a-goin’ bad. This ain’t English is it?” I asked as I pass the instruction booklet to him.
Bubba looked at the page for a few very silent minutes before he said, “Nope, looks like Chinee to me, er, mayhap Arabic. Whatever it is, it don’t pay no neveh mind, ‘cause me and ya cain’t read it anyways.”
We dumped the parts of the bicycle out onto the floor of his kitchen. For a long time neither one of us spoke. Finally, after scratchin’ our head, opening another beer, we admitted defeat, “I ain’t gonna ‘tempt it Mule. I’m gonna give that greasy faced kid at Merral’s Hardware ten dollars to put it together fer me. I figure he can use the money to buy some acne medi’kashun.”
We put the bike parts back inside the box and moved it over next to the bookcase and lava lamp. Over the next four hours, we put together a dollhouse, an electric oven that cooked cookies and a ball stand for a tee-ball set.
