I amazed at how little we had accomplished in the time the girls had been gone. I mean, we were both educated, Bubba was a certified auto mechanic, I was a farmer, and we could not put some simple toys together for Christmas? Finally, totally frustrated, I asked Bubba for another beer.
With fresh beers in our hands, we retired to the living room and turned on the telly-vision. And, us being men, and ya know how bad our luck is if you are a man, our wives took that exact moment to return home.
“Ricky, I’m home!” Maude yelled in her best Lucy imitation as she entered the mo’bile home.
“Lucy, don’t look now, but I think Fred and Ricky been in the beer.” My wife Beverly had to say to show her disappointment in our behavior.
“We are takin’ a break, that’s all,” Bubba replied and then gave a loud burp.
Maude walked over to the sink, opened the door below it and looked inside the trash. She turned to Bubba and placed both of her hands on her wide hips as she said, “Must be one whale of a break Bubba Lee! There’s eight empty beer cans in the trash and there was a brand new twelve pack in the fridge when I left heah to go shoppin’!”
Bubba looked like a coon treed with the ground full of hounds. His eyes were big, his mouth was open and drooling, his head twitched from the left to the right, and the veins in his neck were beginning to swell and turn red. I know I was an idiot, but I laughed.
“What ya laughin’ at ya redneck fool! We leave y’all ‘lone fer a few hours and ya turn to drinkin’. Everythang ain’t done with a beer in hand.” My wife was a bit upset as well.
Bubba, suddenly spoke, “Name somthang I cain’t do with a beer in my hand! I even brushed my teeth with beer in Vee-it-nam, durin’ the war a-course.”
“Bubba, I done heerd ‘nough outta ya. Ya ain’t in no Vee-it-nam, yer in ‘Possum Holler county and I ‘spect you to act like it. “Maude turned her head and gave Beverly a big grin.
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