“Maude, the di-rections fer that bicycle are a terrible mess. It’s all written in Chinese ‘er somethin’. We cain’t even read it.” It was the best I could do, but I had to come to our rescue or at least throw them two women off track. If they had been beagles, I would’ve thrown ‘em a bone.
“Let me see it, Mule,” Maude said and came over to the box.
I opened the box, took out the directions and handed them to Maude. I noticed Bubba had an evil grin on his face. Maude, looked at the booklet a few minutes and then walked over, opened the door to the wood stove and threw it in. I almost lost my mind as I watched the fire consume the booklet. Now, granted it was in Chinese, but it was all we had to go by.
“Maude, my goodness, why did you do that? What are we goin’ to use to put Junior’s bike together with now?” Bubba was standing and I could tell he was angry, ‘cause he spits a lot when he’s upset.
Maude, said not a word. She walked into the kitchen, opened the fridge and took out two beers. As soon as she had opened them, she brought one to me and one to Bubba. She smiled, looked at both of us and said, “Ya two aint’ gonna put the bike together. I am with the hep of Beverly. Ya two sit there, enjoy yer beers, and watch how the experts do it.”
Bubba, who had just taken a drink of his beer, suddenly choked. As soon as he caught his breath, he asked in a low raspy voice, “Since when did you learn to read Chinee, Maude? I mean iffen we still had the booklet.”
“Bubba Lee, I’m a woman. And to make it even better, I am a redneck woman! I don’t need no di-rections. I’ll have this thang together faster than an egg suckin’ dawg can clean out a henhouse full of eggs.”
“Well, if you do, and I ain’t a-sayin’ you can, or cain’t, but if you do, I will go with ya to the VFW with one of yer dresses on. Mayhap that bright yeller one of yourn. Plus, I will call you Sandy Claws until New Years Day.” As soon as he had spoken, Bubba laughed so hard his eyes watered at the thought of Maude puttin’ that bike together.
