- When in public, ya always ask any woman ya meet iffen she’d care fer some snuff. And, ya always chew tobacco with yer mouth shut.
- Ya never French-kiss a woman with “chew” in yer mouth. But, iffen ya do, remember, most don’t cotton the various flavors on the market, ‘cept natural or straight.
- Never throw anything away. If required, place it outside, behind the plastic pink flamingos, and next to the three rusting cars ya got.
- Ya never let logic or truth about any subject sway yer opinion. Once formed, yer opinion cain’t never be changed.
- And finally, yer country is always right, even when it’s wrong. God, Family, and Country are yer first loves.
Now, as far as Bubba’s bass boat sinkin’, that was an act of God, like the sinkin’ of the Titanic way back when. And, I think Bubba’s boat was safer than that big boat, ‘cause we didn’t have no loss of life. Now, I’ll admit, there were more than just a few tears over our loss of beer, but we just went out and bought some more. Besides, right now Bubba’s back at the kitchen table designin’ a submarine and I cain’t wait to give ‘er a try. See, rednecks are smarter than most of y’all think, but course we have to be, or we wouldn’t be able to even walk.
One last thing ‘bout rednecks, we love meat. If ya give a redneck the choice between a basket of lobsters or a slab of ‘possum, they’ll take the hairy critter every time. We prefer our meat from a wild critter and not some butcher cut, plastic wrapped, store sold package. We enjoy taking our own meat and processin’ it on our own. But, I gotta warn ya, when we eat, it’s usually with our hands and not with a knife and fork. The last time I went out to eat in public, my cousin was eating with his fork and it shocked me so bad I dropped a handful of mashed taters and gravy.
Well, I wanted to let y’all know what a redneck man is really all ‘bout. I ‘tend to write mo’ on the subject in a couple of days, ‘cause it’s hard to write this on my computer with the electric turned off. Heck fire, I don’t tolt ‘em, the check in the mail.
Art by W.R. Benton
