Soulja Boy, I’ve Got Your Number

The dance was odd, but my Eureka! moment came when the video showed other people sitting at home watching the same video I was watching. Then the video shows those same people doing Soulja’s silly dance in their homes. The song, the lyrics, the video—they were all about the dance, a hip-hop mockdalena! Then I realized that I’d seen people at the tavern doing similar versions of this very same dance. And sure enough, when the YouTube video ended, there were links to dozens of homemade movies of people imitating Soulja Boy by dancing in their own homes—the video thus becoming a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy. The action shown in the clip had been reflected in the reality of the tavern, as well.

So that’s the answer. Soulja never intended to ejaculate on any woman’s back…he just wants to get our attention with his outlandish lyrics. Then he can program us to recognize and duplicate his proprietary dance moves…for which he can later charge us!

Yes, that’s right, the entire song is a front. Soulja Boy draws his audience in, using gross lyrics—which appear to disgust some (me), and excite others (everyone else)—but one way or another, everyone is exposed to his dance.

All of those people dancing on YouTube? Soon-to-be a ready source of cash for Soulja. What if I started doing the dance in the shower, when the song comes on the radio? Well, that would be despicable, if you ask me.