14. Treat newspaper folding as a fine art.
15. Ditto map folding.
16. Prevent women from touching any of your maps or newspapers. One of the worst insults you can give another guy is, “You’re folding that map like a girl.”
17. Generally think you are hot.
18. But talk a lot about your weight to other guys.
19. Never, never mention the really horrible things, like going bald or having a small dick.
20. If you are balding, purchase a hair dryer to fluff the few remaining strands or use lots of hair gel.
21. Use the following technique for petting cats: scratch roughly down the spine to the base of the tail, grab the tail, and pull from the root of the tail all the way to the end. It’s even better if you pull hard enough so the cat’s hindquarters are lifted off the ground.
22. You can also pet the cat backwards.
23. Find the testicles of unfixed dogs riveting. Also horses, bulls, etc.
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