Can’t...Find...Words...

I’d like to think that nothing shocks me anymore. But, something so vile and just plain wrong happened at my gym that I can scarcely type about it. But I must.

I went for a workout. I belong to a nice gym.  Clean. Regular people. Sure, there are the normal goings-on in the ladies locker room. Women who feel they must walk, bend, blow-dry, plié, lotion-up, shirtcock, stretch and so forth. While completely naked, simply because they can. I know this sounds like a dream to you straight men, but at times it can be a bit….uncomfortable. But NOTHING could be more uncomfortable than what I witnessed.

It was a slow day in the ladies locker room during the 3:00 hour. Just me. Or so I thought. Then I rounded the corner to put my things into the locker I normally use. And there she was. With her leg propped up on the bench in the middle of the lockers. A woman. Trying. To. Insert. A. Tampon. OUT IN THE OPEN. I’m still so embarrassed for her as I type this that I almost have to put a decorative sofa pillow over my face on her behalf.

Can someone PLEASE tell me what on earth possesses a woman to attempt this? Instead of walking the extra 200 yards to the very PRIVATE bathroom stall? What…the…FUCK? Who does that? I can only assume she was just trying to speed up her getting-dressed process and thought “what the hell…nobody’s here. I can do this fast.” But you’re wrong, tampon lady. SO VERY WRONG! And your little miscalculation in judgment has scarred me. Deeply and forever, I fear.

I’m not even sure what my reaction—or hers—was. There was no speaking. Merely the sounds of swift movement, mine and hers. I could feel my face turn hot and bright red. I grabbed my things out of my locker and scurried away, looking at the floor. For shame, tampon lady. For shame.

I’ll never speak of this again.